Habits
by Whatwasithinkingtowritethis
Summary: A tale of not coping. The summer of 96 looms but everything is falling apart.
1. Chapter 1

Habits.

 **Disclaimer.** This is a work of fanfiction featuring characters and locations created by JK Rowling. No commercial gain is made from this.

 **Rating. Mature.** Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, sex or coarse language.

 **AN. Trigger Warnings** for all the things. I'm not going to list them as a check list but this is a tale of how an emotionally abused boy reacts to bad situations. It is not a light and fluffy thing.

Habits

Harry was running through the long grass with Sirius, who was in his animagus for. The sun was shining down on them and a gentle breeze stirred the grass like wind on the water.

"Keep up pup." Sirius said, his long tongue hanging out his mouth in the way of dogs. As he spoke he sprinted off, muscles bunching. He ran towards the sun. Harry stumbled as he ran. The grass hiding Sirius from his sight.

Harry regained his feet, there was no sign of his godfather.

"Sirius, Sirius! SIRIUS!" His voice getting increasingly more panicky.

He sat upright in bed his pyjamas wet with his sweet. Sirius was dead, it was a week since the ministry.

"Oh Fuck, fuck." He repeated the expletive just under his breath. He wanted to cry, all he wanted to do was curl up and cry but there was an emptiness inside him. No matter how he felt he never cried. His hands reached down beneath his mattress, carefully he found down his knife. It was a simple little pen knife, the blade was less than an inch long but so sharp.

He rolled down his pyjama pants and ran his fingers across the outside of his thigh. That was the point. He made his incision. He finally stopped swearing as he sucked in air.

The pain felt clean, a release. He watched the blood drip away. It would do for now. He staunched the wound, holding a piece of tissue over it till it clotted. Throwing off his pyjamas, he pulled on his robe and he headed out.

He appeared in the hall for breakfast, eating a piece of toast he soon hurried off before the stares got to him. He stalked the corridors in the least used wings. He should go and see Ron and Hermione but he couldn't face seeing them. They were in hospital because it was his fault. Sirius was dead because it was his fault. He was fucking useless.

He muttered it as he walked "Fucking useless." Over and over with every step, every breath reminded him he was fucking useless. He took a sharp turn into a class room. He pulled up his robes. His knife in his hand, searching for a piece of skin that was unmarked.

He sucked in his breath as the blade bit. All his concentration on the blood. The fresh, restrained by the path of the rust coloured dry.

"Does that make you feel better?" Luna's question was merely curious there was no judgement to it. Harry looked up, he was so fixated on his blood he hadn't heard her come in the room.

"Can I see the knife?"

Wordlessly he handed it over, he had nothing to say.

She examined the blade. "Nice and sharp." Harry watched in astonishment as she lifted up her robes. Higher and higher till he could see her white cotton panties pulled tight. She ran a hand down her white unblemished leg. She found a spot on her thigh close to where he had stabbed himself.

She hissed as she made her incision. "So how do you feel when you watch the blood?"

"All the pain leaves me as the blood leaves me."

"I can see that. Do you like watching me cut myself? Or do you just like watching me." As she spoke she pulled on her knickers. So they became tighter against her body.

Harry felt his blood pound and for once it wasn't leaving his body. He was grateful his robe was now down as his pants grew tight.

Luna smiled a said smile. "Cutting isn't healthy Harry. Meet me here tomorrow. If you can show me no fresh cuts I'll show you something you like."

With that she drifted out of the room. Harry stood with a feeling of restriction in his pants. He shut and locked the door then pulled up his robe again, discarding it he looked down at himself. His tight y-fronts unable to keep himself contained. He slipped his hands down inside. His touch grew increasingly stronger and soon his semen splashed out onto the floor next to his blood. He watched the white and red mix.

He turned away, dressing quickly scrougified the mess and left the room.

Dreams that night were of Luna and he woke hard. He quickly relieved that pressure. He threw his messy shorts into the wash and headed for his usual breakfast of toast.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

At four o'clock Luna walked into the classroom where he waited.

"Hello Harry," she said sadly. "Have you been good, no new cuts?"

"I haven't today."

"Show me."

Although he thought about nothing else he was slightly hesitant to lift his robe but he lifted it up to show no new marks on his thighs.

"Someone who hides himself away to cut himself is not above finding a new piece of skin if he knows that his legs are going to be checked."

He threw Luna a glare. Glancing at the scar on his hand. I must not tell lies. He pulled his robe up over his head and threw it onto the floor. Standing before her in just his tight y-fronts. "Satisfied now?"

"Yes Harry, sorry." Luna seemed genuinely sorry and hesitant. Harry's anger softened although as she started to lift her robe he felt himself harden. Yesterday she had only lifted her clothes as high as her thighs giving him glimpses of her panties, today she lifted her robe over her head and dropped it next to his.

Harry felts his eyes almost bulge as Luna stood in front of him in plain white bra and knickers. He felt as hard as he could be and glanced down at himself. He had poked out from his tight underpants as it couldn't contain him he reached down to adjust himself but as he touched himself he knew that he was close to coming. It was going to happen soon what ever happened so pulled himself out in front of Luna and in one, two thrusts he came over the floor in front of her.

She looked on in horror picked up her robe and was leaving as she pulled it on.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hermione was finally out from the hospital wing and was worried. Harry hadn't visited once, she'd been told that when she had been petrified he had visited every day. Neville told her that he had barely seen Harry that he was avoiding everyone. She knew what this meant, he blamed himself. She wish she had his map, she'd have to do this the hard way. Methodically she stalked the castle. Starting with the disused wings.

She turned a corner and she could hear crying. She cautiously approached the noise. She saw Luna at the same time as the scraggily haired girl saw her.

"Hermione" Luna threw herself at her. "It's Harry."

It took some time for Luna to tell the whole sordid tale. It was as bad as Hermione feared.

"So he's started cutting himself now, it's not really a surprise."

Luna who normally look surprised stared hard at her.

"When you look in a mirror Luna what do you see?"

"I see my reflection."

Hermione smiled sadly. "I'll tell you what I see. I see a plain girl who needs to spend four hours doing my hair and makeup for boys to even notice I'm a girl. I see an only child who had all her parents' attention. She learned to love that and wanted it from all adults. So she studied hard to make all the teachers praise her the way her parents did. I see a girl who argued to be in Gryffindor because what's another studios girl in Ravenclaw? The Gryffindor's think I'm the second coming of Merlin. So that's what I see. Do you understand?"

Luna nodded slowly.

"Do you know what Harry sees?"

"I don't." Luna confessed her brow creased in thought.

"He see a worthless freak. It's what his aunt always called him. His uncle screams and shouts, he locks him away and avoids him. His aunt is more insidious but worthless freak is her favourite phrase. Imagine that, all your life since you were old enough to comprehend to be called freak. To be called worthless, a burden, an inconvenience. Have you ever watched Harry play quidditch? They call him brave and fearless. He's not. He just cares more for winning than living. He threw himself off his broom to catch the snitch in second year. In first year he rescued a girl he didn't really know from a troll. Eleven years old and risks his life for an acquaintance. Second year he faced a basilisk to save someone he'd barely spoken too. Harry places everyone above himself because he cares nothing of himself. I'm glad you tried to stop him but I'll do it now."

"You will? I thought you'd try and bully him."

"I can bully him into doing homework or doing the right thing but stopping him from self destruction there's only one way."

"What is that?"

"You go with him. He cares nothing for his life but if I let him know I'll be with him every step of the way then he'll be pull back from the brink to keep me safe or at least he has so far."

Luna hugged her impulsively. "You're a good friend to him."

Hermione smiled sadly. "Harry risked his life for a girl he barely knew. I'll risk my life for my best friend any day."

Xxxxx

Harry awoke, and before he had even given it thought was stroking himself. Thinking of Luna of the tight lines of her panties. Soon he was cumming again. He wondered if she would show at four, she seemed upset yesterday but he would see. Hermione was out from hospital and kept trying to speak to him but he pretending not to hear her, to sit away from her and disappear into the disused wings as soon as he could. He had nearly killed her she must hate him by now. It was nearly four he headed down to the classroom

Hermione braced herself she couldn't believe what she was about to do but if it kept Harry from self harm.

She opened the door quickly stepping into the room and locked it behind her. This wasn't a simple locking charm either.

"Hermione?" Harry was startled to see her here.

"Oh Harry what have you been up to?"

The look on his face told her all she needed to know.

"Luna can't come today so I agreed to in her stead. She told me everything Harry."

In other circumstances watching the conflicting emotions run across his face would have been amusing. Guilt, shame and confusion all battled for supremacy .

"I need to see no new cuts Harry, show me." The last was said with a hint of steel and he pulled off his robe dropping it to the floor. In other circumstances she might have focused on his tight y-fronts but instead the wounds on his legs took her attention. The top of his thighs were covered with puncture wounds. Laid out carefully in a grid. How long had he been doing this? She forced herself to look. There was nothing new there.

"Thank you Harry. Thank you for not cutting yourself. So let me see if I understand this deal. If I see any fresh cuts," she pulled out his pen knife and pulled up her robe showing him all of one leg, "then I will get a matching one. Do you want to see me cut?"

He shook his head. Eyes wide with amazement. "However if you are free of any cuts then you get a reward." With that she pulled up her robe over her head and dropped it on the floor next to her. She wished she had some sexier underwear rather than the plain white she was wearing but Luna had said he was happy with her in white. Hermione watched as Harry's Penis grew thicker and longer until it poked it's way out of his pants.

Almost on automatic pilot she watched his stroke himself. All her instincts were to cover herself but Harry's reward was to look at her and masturbate. She leaned back against a desk. Keeping her knees apart he stepped closer, his hand moving faster until he grunted and ejaculated the first spurt landing on her foot. The rest falling short.

It was then slightly embarrassing where to look, what to do she waited for him to pull up his pants then still in her underwear gave him a hug.

"Some times you can be an idiot, cutting yourself. Honestly Harry. I'll see you here tomorrow

for more rewards. Also come by the common room tonight. Ron should be out of hospital. "

Harry dressed and she unlocked the door so he could leave, she had her robe on but not her shoes she was still looking at her feet when Luna came in.

Her eyes wide dropped to Hermione's feet. "Is that?"

"Where I let Harry masturbate and he splashed on me? Yes." She then started to laugh. There was nothing funny but she laughed till she cried as Luna held her.

"So many cuts Luna, I'll do that again and again if it stops him. The only thing with Harry he'll need something more soon. Like any addict he needs bigger hits or the drug has no effect."

"This isn't healthy Hermione for either of you." Luna warned.

"I suppose not but masturbating over girls in their underwear is the closest to normal Harry has ever got. Just one thing Luna, can you get me some tissue please."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcxx

Ron returned to the common room and to her surprise Harry was there to greet him.

"Harry," Ron still slurred his words. "Bloody good to see you."

"Language Ronald." She couldn't help herself the words were out of her mouth.

He turned to her "I'm only just speaking again, I should be allowed the odd bloody."

Hermione felt like she'd been slapped he was a hundred percent right. Considering what she was doing to help Harry she could make a similar sacrifice for her other friend.

"You right Ron, we should just thank fuck your here, not worry about the odd swear word."

There was a gasp as all conversation instantly stilled.

"Who are you and what have you done with Hermione?" Ron asked more clearly.

"I'm still her but I'm grateful we are all safe and will do anything to help my friends." She gave Harry a look at the last. He turned away and headed to the dorm.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was their last day at Hogwarts, tomorrow they would catch the train and HHermione would have to trust Harry to not cut himself once he knew she couldn't check up on him. She walked up to the room where they met, if she was honest she was terrified. Today she was going to go further than she had. She could cope with that, just. She had promised him a reward if he stopped and since Luna had found him that one time he had stopped cutting himself. No the thing that scared her was the promise she was going to make, that if he didn't cut himself over the holidays he would get a bigger reward. She would leave it nebulous and vague but even she didn't know exactly what she would do. At least beyond what she was already doing. She was at the room and Harry waited for her.

He pulled off his robe, showing no fresh wounds, the oldest ones were healing nicely.

"Thank you Harry, now for your reward." She pulled off her robe. And dropped it on the floor. Unlike the first time Harry's physical reaction was muted. She looked him in the eyes reached behind herself and unclipped her bra. Before she lost her nerve she pushed down her knickers and stood completely naked in front of him.

His physical reaction was immediate and he was stroking himself it seemed on automatic pilot. It was only a matter of moments before he orgasmed in front of her. It would take versitium before she admitted it but Hermione loved watching that happen.

"Thank you Harry. If you go the summer without any more cuts then when I see you again I'll think of a bigger reward."

The two of them dressed. Harry without looking her in the eye still slightly ashamed. Hermione knew that she had moved him from one destructive behaviour to another

A.N.

Another one.

Not a song fic but Tove Lo was played heavily while writing this. Both Habits and the film Fairy Dust. The pursuit of the high and the crash afterwards.

This tale will be about 16000 words all told and be about eight chapters. It will spend some weeks with harry and chart his decent through some bad habits. It won't be the whole summer but one small period of time.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Harry couldn't meet Hermione's eye on the train journey from Hogwarts. Ron was never good at judging the mood of a room talked enough for the rest of them. Harry found it was safe to talk to him, he felt himself colour as he looked at Hermione. Fighting to stop his imagination from undressing her. That last time in the classroom as she'd stood naked in front of him and promised him more. Ron excused himself and left the carriage for the toilet.

Hermione handed him as a piece of paper. "That's my phone number. Four o'clock tomorrow ring me. I'll ring you straight back. We'll talk then."

Hermione watched Harry leave with his Uncle as she left with her parents. She tried to inject the usual enthusiasm into her voice as she spoke about the school year and her subjects. Once they had returned home and eaten a family meal she excused herself as soon as was possible. Heading for the bathroom. She had told her parents she was looking forward to a long bath after a term of nothing but showers.

She ran the bath and eased herself into the warm water. She knew what she was going to do tomorrow and her nerves built. The interactions with Harry had mostly been conducted in silence. That wouldn't work on a telephone. She ran through vocabulary in her head. Technical terms seemed to lack a certain something and the limited slang she knew seemed childish. As she ran tomorrows conversation through her head her hand ran lower down her body.

She shuddered at her first ever orgasm ran through her. How were they words to describe that? Still that was tomorrow's problem.

She grew increasingly nervous as the day drew ever closer to four o'clock. Harry was due to ring and then she would, do what? She wasn't quite clear in her own mind. She had found some of her mother's steamy romance novels but had thrown them away in frustration. The euphemisms in that while making her laugh at their shy terms did nothing to help.

It was ten past four when Harry rang. Almost at the point where she thought he wouldn't bother and she could relax. She told him to hang up and used the call back button to return his call.

She took the handset to her room.

"Where are you?"

"In my bedroom." His voice had a dull monotone.

"What have been up to today?"

"Nothing." She could hear the defensiveness in his tone.

"Honestly Harry, I know you haven't been cutting yourself or you'd have never rang me." Even in the empty house she lowered her voice. "It's just I know you. If you spend too much time on your own you'll brood and sink lower than you are. Tomorrow promise me you'll go out and do something. Speak to people. Spend money, try and have fun."

"I haven't got any money."

She'd thought about this. It was a safe subject to think about. She explained her idea to him and he agreed to try it.

She took a deep breath. Now was the part she was scared about.

"Can you guess, what I'm wearing? I'm in my underwear." She paused. "I've just taken my bra off and now. She paused again. Matching her actions to words. "I'm not wearing anything."

She could hear activity from the phone. She guessed Harry was undressing too although he didn't say anything. She did her best to describe what she was doing as she rubbed and touched herself.

She let out a little whimper and Harry grunted in sympathy.

"Have you come already Harry, I still have a while to go." She stop describing then and just concentrated on pleasing herself.

Once she was done and she let the sensations run their course she agreed to ring again tomorrow at the same time. It was quite fun after all.

The next morning Harry headed out from the Dursley's towards town. He was aware of the two people following. He stopped and turned on his heel waiting for them to catch him up. He recognized Remus and Hestia Jones.

"Harry I don't think the headmaster would want you wandering away from safety."

"I don't think you know, how much I don't give a fuck what he wants." Harry snarled at Remus.

"He is only trying to keep you safe."

"Yes the only way he knows how, by locking people up. He got my parents to lock themselves away, he got Sirius to lock himself away, now he wants me to lock myself away. The only thing is, in case you hadn't noticed, it doesn't work. My parents are dead, Sirius is dead and I nearly died last year when the dementours came after me. So excuse me if I don't think this is such a great plan."

Harry saw Remus wanted to argue but he wasn't giving him much chance.

"At least my Parents and Sirius where hiding. Everyone who cares, knows where I am, my address was read out in front of the whole Wizengamot last summer, do you think Voldemort doesn't know it by now?" As he mentioned Voldemort's name Hestia gave a little gasp. Harry addressed her directly. "Are you meant to be guarding me? You practically piss yourself at the mention of his name. What will you do when he comes for me and you're on guard? Will you apparate away in blind terror or will you shit yourself first then apparate away? Because if you're scared of his name you're going to be fuck all good when it comes to fighting him."

"Harry that's hardly fair." Remus protested.

"Life isn't fair Remus. If it was fair Sirius wouldn't have spent his life in prison then died. I guess I can't stop you following me but don't tell me what to do." Harry turned on his heel and stalked off he had the urge to punch Remus with his comment about fairness. Fuck him.

It was a long walk from the Dursley's to the town centre. The shortest route was the one he now walked, it took him through the centre of the local council estate. A small river ran through the estate although it looked closer to being an open sewer, still the bridge over it was a good place to stop and catch his breath. He could see Remus keeping his distance but still following him. Next to the river and lower than the road was a patch of concrete marked out with football lines and with posts at either end. He watched the boys playing with a lot of enthusiasm and little skill. Their good natured swearing was amusing. He turned as someone was next to him. It was a teen near his age. His trainers and track suit wear worn for their brand names not that he ever intended to do any sports. "Alright mate, got a light?"

Harry shock his head, and the lad scrambled down the bank to talk to the footballers. He eventually borrowed a lighter and headed back to Harry. He held his cigarette cupped in his hand the small amount of butt sticking out of his fingers. Harry had seen that way of holding before from kids who had started smoking before they were old enough to.

"Ya don't smoke then?"

"No." Harry shock his head.

"Good for you, filthy habit. It'll kill you in the end."

Harry glanced away and saw Remus still watching him. His anger flared up for a second. "So how do you start?"

The lad whose name turned out to be Mickie, lit a second cigarette from his then showed Harry how to breathe in the smoke. He also patted him on the back as he tried to cough up a lung. Soon though he was feeling the smoke pull down into lungs and he felt his temper fade.

Once he stubbed out the faded remains he thanked Mickie and headed into town. There he found a pawn shop that did what he wanted. They bought some Galleons from him. It was well below what he would have got in Gringotts but it was cash.

It felt good to have cash in his pocket. The first thing he did was to buy himself some clothes that fitted, next was a visit to a newsagents and bought a pack of ten cigarettes and some matches like he did it every day.

Hands in his pockets he took the long walk up to the recreation ground near the Dursley's.

The day had turned damp and cold, there was almost no one around apart from two girls sat on a bench on the far side against the railings. He slouched his way to the swings and pulled out the cigarettes he let the plastic wrapper go in the breeze and opened up the pack.

It took him a couple of goes to light it, the mechanics of inhaling while bringing the match in close eluded him at first. He finally got it and inhaled the smoke. Eyes closed letting the drug wash through him, relax him.

He opened his eyes half lidded and watched the girls on the bench one got up and left, the other walked towards him. She was in a light summer dress, it was completely unsuitable for the cold misty day. Her legs had goose bumps and other bumps were obvious too. Once he would have been embarrassed, that was before he'd got used to sitting naked with his friend masturbating. Now he took in her appearance imagining her in less.

"Harry Potter." She greeted him.

He frowned in concentration. "Sarah?"

"You do remember me then. Been awhile since junior school Harry."

He inhaled and nodded to avoid speaking. Then blew out a long steam of smoke.

"You got a fag spare?"

He turned and looked at her she had taken the swing next to his. Barely moving on it, the fine fabric of her dress clinging to her. "What's in it for me?"

"You what to come to a party tonight?"

He reached into the packet and took a fresh one, handing her the one he'd been smoking. "Alright, where is it?"

Sarah inhaled then coughed. She tried again taking a shorter breath.

Once she had managed to smoothly take a drag then exhale she gave him the address. "As they don't know you'll be coming bring a bottle and ask for me."

She got up from the swing and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He reached for her hand and pulled her towards him, she moved at his gentle pull offering no resistance. He then kissed her full on the lips, it was her who deepened the kiss and their tongue's came into play. Harry had his hand on the nape of her back and lowered it down onto her bum.

She broke the kiss and looked him in the eye. "You don't hang around do you?"

"You complaining?"

He felt her hand come to rest on his erect dick. "No just commenting but I am going to have to go. Looking forward to tonight now." She kissed him again then he pulled her into him rubbing himself against her. She then stepped back and turned on her heel. "See ya."

When Hermione rang at four he had the phone up in his room waiting. After the exchange of pleasantries he tried to find a way to ask the question on his mind.

Hermione interrupted his stumbling and stilted conversation. "What's the matter Harry?"

"Um, what are we exactly Hermione?"

"Friends, like we've always been. Why Harry?"

"Well a girl asked me to a party and I didn't want to do anything…"

Hermione's smile could be heard through the phone. "Go to the party Harry, have fun. We're friends same as always. Same as when you dated Cho, we're friends. As for that other thing we do, did you cut yourself today?"

"No."

"That's good Harry, now can you guess what I'm wearing?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter3

Harry rang the doorbell a six pack of lager in the carrier bag in his hand. A girl with light brown hair answered the door.

"Um hi, Sarah invited me, she said there was a party here."

The girl didn't look pleased to see him. "She did did she? Let me ask her. Come in but stay here."

He was let into the porch but the main door into the house was kept shut. For a party it was quiet. Maybe he was early, maybe it was a prank by Sarah, although she had seemed keen to see him again. Through the door he could hear voices.

"What the fuck Sarah? You invited a boy to a girls only sleepover."

"Is Harry here then? I did yes, at some point you'll want to play truth and dare, you always do. I'm sick of having to kiss you and Yvette I thought a guy might be fun, besides he doesn't go to school round here so he's not going to tell anyone about it."

"Fine, but if the others complain I'm sending them to you. Also you have to share."

"I'm fine with sharing I've only snogged him once myself so you can't say I've got a claim to him."

Harry had to strain to hear the next bit. "Is he any good then? He seemed a bit of a loser in school."

Whatever Sarah said was lost as they had a lower conversation. Accompanied by lots of giggling. Finally Katie he guessed opened the door and stepped into the porch with him.

"Right Sarah has convinced me to let you stay, which I will if you promise to behave, this was meant to be a girls only night. First things first though, a test. Sarah says you're a good snog. So let's see. Rock my world Harry."

There was something about being put to the test reminded him of being disbelieved so he stepped into Katie's space forcefully. His arm circled her waist and he pulled her against him. Almost as soon as their lips touched their mouths opened and he pushed his tongue into her mouth. His hand that had been in the small of her back lowered to her bum, then was joined by second pulling her close to him. He was hard and erect by then and she must have known it by how close he pulled her to him. She was wearing the short summer dress all the girls seemed to favour this year, it was easy for him to reach below the hem placing his hand on her bare thigh and start to work his hand back up to her bum. The whole time their lips were joined. His hand now on the bare cheek of her backside.

He was just about to reach inside her pants when the door opened and Sarah stood there.

"So can he stay then?"

Katie pulled away. "Bloody hell Harry I said a snog. You are on the verge of getting me naked and I would have let you to." The latter was said in a quieter voice that let him know she wasn't complaining.

Katie took him by the hand and led him into the house. There were four other girls there, Yvette Emily Rachel and Tracy.

He was treated to a full spectrum of greetings from pleasure to hostility. After drinks were sorted they settled down to watch a video. He wasn't paying it much attention the main jokes seemed to revolve around posh people saying fuck and then stuttering through situations. He was sat in the middle of the sofa with Sarah and Katie pushed in either side of him. He had one hand on both girls' thighs and although he had been stopped from pushing them higher he was still pleasantly distracted from the film. All the girls were some variation of the short dresses that were in fashion. He was enjoying the amount of leg and cleavage on show. Forty minutes in and he started to grow restless. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes.

"Do you mind?"

"I don't but my parents would go nuts if they smelt smoke." Katie answered.

He shrugged and headed out to the garden through the dining room and out via the patio doors. The opposite end of the downstairs room from the TV. While the garden had high hedges the houses opposite still over looked it. He lit and inhaled. Taking a long drag.

"You know those things will kill you?"

"Something will eventually." He answered Yvette who had followed him out.

"That's remarkable pessimistic."

"Just the truth. A month ago I didn't smoke, I wouldn't have turned up at a party with someone I'd only met either." The truth was less than a day but she didn't need to know that.

"So what happened?"

"I watched my godfather die. One second he was alive making jokes then he fell and was dead. Life's too short to worry about a future that I might never see. So now I smoke go to parties and make out with girls I've only just met. So did you come out here to smoke or to make out?"

"You're not into subtlety either are you?" She flicked her hair to one said as she spoke exposing her neck.

Harry had to resist to urge to lean in and bite her. "As I say life's too short." He dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. Shall we go back in and watch the film or do you want to come closer?"

She fiddled with the top button of her dress and bit her bottom lip. She looked down at her shoes then shyly up at him, before she then stepped in close to him. "You don't give a girl much of a chance to pretend she's shy do you?"

Harry leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips, Slowly increasing the pressure, his hands resting on her hips, her hands rested on his chest. She tilted her head and he kissed her on the ear then trailed kisses down her neck.

Her version of the dresses had thin straps exposing her shoulders and arm. He kissed her close to her collar bone then pushed the strap for her dress and bra off her shoulder. He was momentarily distracted from kissing her as a jolt of pleasure ran through him. Yvette's hands which had been moving steadily lower now ran up and down the length of his cock. He kissed her on the lips but his hands went to the front of her dress struggling with buttons. He got two undone enabling to pull back enough fabric to reveal her breast. He first ran his fingers over it and he was rewarded with a gasp from Yvette. He then bent low and ran his tongue over her nipple and then sucked it into his mouth.

"No, no."

Harry pulled back looking at the dishevelled girl. "Sorry?"

"Don't be sorry, I enjoyed every second it's just if you didn't stop, well I don't want my first time to be in Katie's garden overlooked by this many windows and if I hadn't stopped you then I doubt I could have in another minute."

Harry stepped back and looked at the dishevelled girl in front of him she covered her breast with a shy look at him then flicked her hair back. "How do I look?"

"Like it's really cold out here."

Although she had covered her breasts her nipples were still standing out quite prominently. "I can't see that going down any time, let's hope they don't notice. Harry retook his seat squeezing in-between Katie and Sarah, eventually the film ended and pizza was ordered. They sat round on the floor eating the pizza in a rough circle. Katie produced a large bottle of vodka.

"Truth and dare time." She announced to groans. The bottle was spun and they played, the girls mostly stayed to truth, in the early stages they seemed to feel the need to tell their life story to answer the questions and his attention wandered. He paid attention when Yvette was asked the furthest she'd gone with a boy and she answered she'd let him suck her breasts while she played with his dick. Harry considered how much he couldn't talk about and stayed with dares. They were mostly childish things. Forfeits were either a shot of vodka of taking off an item of clothing. Every so often he had a shot of vodka because he was enjoying the feeling of distance from reality it gave. He lost his shoes and socks to be more comfortable but none of the dares really got near his comfort zone.

He kissed all the girls. Rachel and Tracy he had the barest of contacts with their lips. Emily was shy but once she overcame her reluctance was surprisingly passionate. Yvette was quite chaste in front of the other girls. Sarah and Katie seemed to be in competition with each other, neither seemed that fussed about him but was quite keen on showing off to the other. Time moved on and it was near to one in the morning when some of the girls started asking for the game to end. Kate rejected the idea as everyone was still wearing too many clothes. Everyone turned on her then. She lost her dress when dared to give Harry a blow job and she declared the game over as she took her bra off. Having decided that was a better option than having sex with Harry as they all watched.

Kate quickly scurried off returning with a long t-shirt on as her nightwear. "I guess you haven't got any pyjamas?"

"Didn't know it was a sleep over, sorry."

"Tracy and Rachel will do their nut if I ask you to sleep down here and it's too late and you've had too much vodka to leave now. You can sleep in my brother's room." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "It's quiet up there so if you get any visitors in the night no one else will know."

Harry had drifted off to sleep, both Katie and Sarah had visited but had both seemed to panic slightly as it become obvious he was willing to go further than they. He was woken by his door opening. A figure stood in the door way. She was dressed in boy shorts and a midriff revealing t-shirt. The light from the Velux window showed the blond highlights in her hair which she flicked nervously. She stepped into the room and he put on his glasses confirming what he suspected. "Yvette?"

A smile was his answer, as she closed the door behind her. "You don't seem that happy to see me."

"Hoping it's not going to be like Sarah and Katie."

"I can imagine, those too like to pretend they are wild but only play at it. I however like to pretend to be modest."

"You were one of the quietest during the game, yet here you are."

"Here I am." She paused. "I'm guessing, mister we could all die any second, is not into commitment, that's fine neither am I at the moment." She licked her lips nervously. "I understand why the other two run…" She took a deep breath. Harry thought he heard her say "fuck it" under her breath then she pulled her top over her head and then quickly pushed down her shorts. Harry had a brief glance of the naked girl in the half-light before she jumped into bed with him.

Harry quickly removed his boxers and they began to explore each other's bodies with hands and mouths. Yvette ground herself against his leg, her breath growing increasingly shorter and heavier as he alternatively kissed her lips then nibbled on her neck. Once her breathing returned to normal she rolled on to her back pulling him with her. "I'm ready."

She guided him into her, then tensed, he was unable to go further. "Stop, come out." With a wave of frustration he pulled back and rolled onto his back, she climbed on top of him throwing the duvet off them completely.

"Sorry, remember I'm still a virgin. At least for the next thirty seconds."

Harry watched in fascination as she impaled herself on him. Again he felt her tense as he reached some barrier. She then pulled back up and then dropped back down taking almost all of him inside.

She collapsed against him, lying flat on top of him, after some time she started to move. Harry felt the pressure build faster, more intense than any time he had masturbated. He couldn't stop if he'd wanted to. With a groan he felt himself orgasm. She collapsed against him. As he held her close.

"We going to try that again as soon as you can."

He nodded not trusting himself to speak. Their second time was as intense for him and judging by the noises she made Yvette enjoyed it too. He was holding her next to him marvelling at the closeness. When she pulled away and got out of the bed.

"I have to wake up downstairs or I'll never hear the end of it." She pulled on her shorts as she spoke, she leaned over and kissed him. "Thank you."

Harry watched her leave with a feeling that masturbating was not going to be enough anymore. He didn't necessarily want her but he definitely wanted more sex.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

He woke early the next morning and although he was hard didn't masturbate. He pulled on his boxers and jeans but didn't bother with a t-shirt. He headed down to the kitchen and after looking through the fridge started to cook. He could hear voices from the next room where the girls had been sleeping. Eventually Katie put her head round the door and stepped into the kitchen with him.

"What are you doing?"

"Making everyone breakfast." He turned down the heat on the frying pan and pulled her into a kiss. He could feel her breasts through the light fabric of her sleep top against his bare chest and his hands went automatically to her bum.

She broke the kiss and moved away. "Too much, too early and I'm hungover."

He served up a fried breakfast and they all ate at the dining table. Even Tracy and Rachel were appreciative of the food and had seemed to forget they were in sleep wear. He got some nice views down tops and panties pulled tight but none of the girls seemed willing to be caught one on one and so after hanging round for a while he wished them goodbye. Yvette caught just as he was leaving.

"Can I have your number?"

"Why?"

"Just in case you make it home alive, because I know it was a one-time thing but maybe it might be a casual thing we could do again sometime. Also if I give you mine I know you'll never use it."

She gave him a quick peck and pressed against him. "Are you that pleased to see me?"

"Not this time, that's a bottle of vodka I nicked." He felt it was only fair, Katie and Sarah had made all sorts of hints and not followed up, so he'd slipped a seventy five cl bottle into his pocket before leaving.

He wandered aimlessly around smoking and taking the odd swig now and again. Every time he saw a woman walk past he played over ways of starting conversations with them, ways of asking them to fuck but he never gathered the courage to speak to anyone. He saw a mother at the playground with two young children, he created an elaborate fantasy in his head that involved her being divorced and grateful of any attention. While the children went down for their nap they had sex in every room of her house. Of course he didn't speak to her because he was fucking useless.

Once she had left the playground he had the place to himself. He took out the packet of crisps he had bought along with a new packet of cigarettes at a newsagent. He alternated between smoking and eating with the occasional swig of the vodka to add variety to his movements. A pigeon eyed him and he threw it a crisp.

A black haired, black clothed girl wandered over to sit next to him, she stumbled slightly as she sat down.

"What you doin'?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "Fuck off Tonks."

"That's charming that is Harry."

"Well I'm sick of being watched all the time. You on Harry watching duty today?"

"Yeah, you mind?" She picked up the vodka.

"Whatever, if you drink too much you have to buy me more."

Tonks took a swig of his vodka and made a face as she swallowed it. "Is that paint stripper?"

"It's not like I bought it, I nicked it from the party. Where you on duty last night?"

"No that was Moody with his magical eye. He was curious where you keep your wand?"

Harry took a swig of the vodka and kept eye contact with Tonks. "I keep it locked in my trunk after last summer. Can't get accused of using magic if you don't have your wand."

"What if you're attacked?" She asked worry in her tone.

"Well my guards will have to earn their pay but what difference will it make. Did you see Voldemort and Dumbledore duel in the ministry? I wouldn't last a second against him if he ever stopped playing. When he comes for me the best thing I can do is walk out to see him. I'll never beat him. So in the meantime I drink and smoke and fuck because if I wait till I'm meant to I might be dead." As he said fuck he gave Tonk's a long look.

She shook her head, "I'm well aware how old you are Harry, I'm here to guard you not sleep with you."

"You could always call it close surveillance."

"Not going to happen, stop asking before I hurt you."

He shrugged and took another swig of vodka. "Got the time Tonk's"

"Getting on for three."

"I need to go then. Got my daily phone call from Hermione coming up."

When he returned home Petunia was waiting for him. "A girl phoned here for you. I will not have you giving my phone number out to all and sundry." She took in a deep breath. Then audibly sniffed. "You've been drinking and smoking. I always knew you would turn out to be a no good delinquent. I won't have it. You can pack your trunk and take that owl and get out.

Harry gave her a long look then casually took out the vodka from his pocket and took a swig. "Grow up Petunia. Last year two dementours nearly killed Dudley because of me. You didn't throw me out then, you won't now. Dumbledore had something on you the same as me. So we are stuck with each other. I won't smoke in the house but as for the rest I'll do as I please. I'll do my best to keep out if your way and you do the same. So who rang, Hermione? "

Petunia looked shocked dumb but answered the direct question. "She said her name was Yvette."

Harry turned on his heel picked up the handset and headed to his room. He quickly used the last caller number to get Yvette's number but settled down to wait for Hermione's call.

After he cleaned himself up from Hermione's call he tried to decide whether or not to ring Yvette but curiosity got the better of him and he punched in her number. What did you say to a girl in this situation?

It was thankfully Yvette who answered the phone and not a member of her family.

"You rang? I really didn't think you would."

"Well it doesn't hurt to ring you."

"It might, I sort of want a favour though it won't cost you much I hope."

"Go on." He said warily.

"I've got an invite to a party on Friday night, a real party unlike Katie's thing. Would you like to come with me, as my date, just for the Friday?"

Harry paused while he considered he didn't want to become entangled with Yvette. While he was thinking. She continued talking.

"There will be drinking and dancing and maybe the opportunities for other things."

It was the other things that sold it. The possibility of sex again was definitely on his mind and as he was not making much head way with anyone else.

"Yeah ok."

"Don't sound so excited about it. Can we meet tomorrow in town, I've got somethings to tell you and I have a brother hanging around trying to overhear my conversation."

Harry had agreed to meet Yvette in town the next morning and was waiting at the bus station for her to arrive. He was checking out different girls as they walked past. Yvette was definitely not his girlfriend despite the forthcoming date. It was that fact that kept him purposely looking over other girls. He saw Yvette approach and he moved towards her. What should he do? Hug her?

Yvette answered that walking directly into his space and kissing him. He wasn't going to object and ran his hand down her back although as they were in public he stopped when he felt the waistband of her knickers through her dress.

"You'd be much nicer to snog if you hadn't smoked recently."

Harry shrugged.

Yvette broke the embrace and headed off pausing to check he was following. She led him to the parish church and took a seat on a bench where he joined her.

"I'm not a Goth or like hanging out here but no one comes here much so we can talk. I don't know if you give it much thought but I'm on the pill."

Harry felt an icy pit open in his gut. It was something he hadn't thought of.

"The look on your face tells me everything. Thinking with your dick gets you into all sorts of trouble. Speaking of trouble Katie knows you had sex with someone. She's bloody furious but blames Sarah."

"How does she know?"

"The bedsheets had all sorts of stains. If you see her again I'd appreciate it if you don't mention me."

Harry nodded his agreement. "Is that everything? "

"Nope two more things one easy the other one we'll see. The party on Friday. If you're going as my date I need you to act like my boyfriend at least while we're there. No snogging other girls OK. Also it's semi-formal dress, trousers and shirt should be fine."

Harry mentally calculated his remaining money. That might be a problem.

"Right last thing, us. I know this is a casual thing but you were pretty happy to snog me earlier so I have a suggestion."

Harry was ready to get up and leave the last thing he wanted was a girlfriend.

"When we are apart we are apart. No being faithful nothing. But when we are together we are together." With that she leaned in and kissed him. Harry was happy to return the kiss and pushed himself against Yvette. Hands reaching for breasts and bum.

She pushed him away slightly. "I'm not fucking you here, take it easy alright."

Harry was slightly gentler when he returned to kissing her. They spent some time snogging and then agreeing the arrangements for the party tomorrow before they split up and headed their separate ways. He would have to sell some more galleons.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Harry stood awkwardly on the street corner in a new shirt and trousers. Yvette was late and although it was a warm summer day it was cooler than earlier. He had run out of vodka and hadn't smoked since mid-day and really wanted one but he could also live without Yvette's complaining, if she ever turned up to see a useless loser like him. He was nothing but a useless fuck up, who was he kidding that she wanted to meet up with him. He was looking down at his shoes and didn't notice the taxi pull up.

"Are you coming or are you going to spend the night looking at your feet?"

The back door of a private taxi was open and any and all thoughts were driven out of his head by Yvette and what she was wearing. She had a gold sequined dress that came up to just over her tits leaving her shoulders bare. It looked like liquid sex to Harry and he practically jumped into the back seat with her. AS the taxi pull away he saw the look of concern on the face of tonights order guard.

"Harry this is my uncle Dave." Yvette introduced the driver. Harry took the warned and just mentally undressed her rather than literally. It wouldn't take more than a little pull and he could start playing with her nipples.

They drove away from the main town of Little Whinging and into the surrounding green belt. Houses got less frequent and larger. Eventually they pulled into a driveway and drove up a gravel driveway. The car turned a corner and behind some trees the house came into view. It was a huge old farmhouse with many out buildings. The house itself was three stories tall, the main door was front and centre of the building, like a traditional child's drawing except there were three sets of windows to each side of the door hinting at many more rooms.

They left the taxi and Yvette and Harry as her plus one had her name checked off by a large formally dressed man. They moved quickly through the house down a long hallway. Yvette had a destination in mind and Harry was happy to follow and watch the tight dress cling to her butt. Every so often she would stop and hitch the dress up as it slipped down her frame allowing Harry to catch her up.

"Were heading to the rave rooms." She told at one such pause.

She led Harry outside the house stopping long enough at the drinks tables for Harry to pour himself a vodka and Yvette grabbed a glass of something called Thunderbird. They exited though a kitchen that was bigger than the Dursley's entire ground floor.

In front of them where numerous outbuildings, former barns and other buildings. Yvette slowed and slipped an arm round him. "Remember you're my boyfriend, at least for tonight."

Harry returned the contact allowing his hand to slide lower than Yvette's waist. Standing surrounded by a gaggle of other girls was a glamorous slightly older girl. Yvette steered Harry towards her. "That's Katherine whose party this is. It's only polite to say hello."

Harry politely smiled and exchanged greetings with the girl. She would have been pretty if she didn't look down her nose at him. As he and Yvette moved out of the circle one of the gaggle of females intertwined between him and Yvette and moved her away, leaving him standing alone. He quickly finished his vodka, feeling the familiar burn down his throat and warming of his stomach. He had grown used to taking hits of vodka so he didn't get the slight numbing feeling that he liked.

Yvette was suddenly back and pulled him into a kiss, for once her hands did the wandering to his butt and he returned the favour.

She broke the kiss as quickly as she initiated it. "Come on lets go dance." She took his hand and led him towards the barn which was obviously set up as a dance room. Just before she got to the door she paused. "Jennifer really pissed me of. Sorry."

He looked at her waited for a better explanation.

"She warned me about you, said she recognised the type that you were only after one thing and I'd be better off dumping you. I said thank you very much but I give absolutely zero fucks about her opinion and she's also a bit late because you'd already had the one thing and would be getting it again soon. That was when I came back and snogged you."

The only bit Harry took notice of was the idea that he would be getting some again soon.

Yvette opened the door to the rave rooms. Harry took a step back as he was hit by a wave of heat from all the bodies dancing, the music was beyond his experience, all syncopation and bass but lacking in lyrics and melody.

"Come on." Yvette led him in and shut the door behind them. The beats were fast and Harry joined in the crowd trying to keep up with the tempo. Yvette was dancing near him trying to be more subdued her dress barely concealed her breasts and dancing meant she slipped out of it twice. Harry wasn't complaining, he also was enjoying the dancing with this huge sweaty gathering of youth. It was nothing like the yule ball. There were no eyes on him and the beat made it hard to think of anything except moving in time.

They had danced through five songs, and Harry's shirt was stuck to him and he was Yvette's hair was plastered to her head.

"I need a drink." Harry read Yvette's lips rather than heard her.

In the back corner tables had been set up with drinks on them. Harry would normally have been disappointed that there was nothing but bottled water, but right now it was exactly what he needed. He drank a bottle without pause and took a second that he sipped at. The temptation to pour one over his head was strong and one a couple of lads near by had given into. They poured bottles over their head then threw their sopping shirts off and returned to the dance floor in just their trousers, their eyes wide and bulging. Harry had to admire their energy he was started to feel tired. A youngish man stood next to him.

"Want a tab?" He proffered a zip lock bag of little pills to Harry.

"What do they do?"

"The little blue ones make everything better, the larger ones give you energy and stop you sleeping."

Yvette was standing close to him as he took one of each and washed them back with water, she hesitated before taking the offered bag. "Just an E, I'm not doing speed."

They returned to the dance floor joining in the throng. Harry felt energized the longer he danced. These were his people and he was part of them, they were one mass joined by the all-consuming beat, the beat that drove them and moved them. He'd moved back for more water and lost his shirt soaked with his sweat. Yvette had stopped trying to hold up her dress and it bunched around her waist, her perfect, wonderful, radiant, orbs on show. Harry reached and ran his hang down them she shuddered at the contact and he pulled her close, they danced skin to skin.

"I need you, I want to make love to you, to be inside you, joined to you. I want to hold you as I…"

Yvette put her hand across his mouth. "You're off your face." She laughed. "But so am I. Let's find somewhere"

Kathryn's house had an outdoor pool and a small bath house. The first room they tried had a couple in who had the same idea as them. The next room was empty and Harry was taking off his clothes even before Yvette had closed the door. Their first time was frantic and animalistic and Harry soon orgasmed the intensity of the feeling was beyond anything before. He found that after his orgasm he hadn't gone soft and he re-entered Yvette. He orgasmed twice more and Yvette many times more. Before she pushed him off.

"Enough, I just can't take any more. I'm going to die from pleasure."

They dressed and headed back to the rave rooms. The heat as they entered the room was like walking into an oven. There was a mass of bare sweating flesh on display. All the boys in the room were now topless and Harry soon joined them. Not all the girls were as adventuress. Some danced in their dresses, others like Yvette had gone topless. Some had removed their dresses and danced in bras and panties and one or two had gone further dancing in just their knickers. Harry needed to drink again, he was feeling constantly thirsty now. He returned with a bottle for Yvette.

"I'm so hot." She complained as he handed her the water.

Harry gave a meaningful look at a girl dancing nearby, Yvette followed his direction of gaze and looked back to him from the girl who was in just her briefs.

"Tell you what, you dance down in just your pants and I'll join you."

Harry shrugged these were his people, they loved him as much as he loved them they wouldn't judge him they didn't think him crazy or the heir of Slytherin. His hands dropped to his waist and he undid buttons and zips and kicked his trousers off. Putting them on top of his shirt. He couldn't judge Yvette's face as she slipped out of her dress and placed it with his clothes.

They returned to frenzied dancing. Harry now had the problem of his clothes not containing him as he was still fully erect and popping out of the top of his pants. Yvette had disappeared after telling him she was off to the loo. He danced on focused on the beat and the moment. A hand had grabbed him bringing him back to reality. A girl danced in front of him in just her underwear her hand on his dick. He moved in closer pushing his hand inside her briefs to find those folds of skin that Yvette enjoyed him touching. She responded similarly.

"Let's go outside."

It was moments later, behind the barn that Harry found himself thrusting in and out of the girl whose name he still didn't know. The beat of the dance music set the pace of his thrusting. And he was soon groaning as his orgasm built.

"Don't cum in me."

Harry pulled out and watched in amazement as the girl spun around and took him into her mouth. The sight was enough of a shock for him that he immediately ejaculated.

It was some moments before either of them spoke. "That was fun." The girl said.

They stepped back around the corner of the barn that was the dance room as Yvette approached it she looked sadly at Harry and the girl.

"Really? I wasn't gone ten minutes, you can make your own way home Harry." With that she turned on her heel and walked off. Harry did feel sad for Yvette she had asked him to be faithful today but he just couldn't feel sad over what had done and within minutes of re-joining the dancing it had almost slipped from his mind. Especially as in the press of bodies on the floor he found himself pressed up against another scantily clad girl. Hands wandered on the dance floor but nothing else happened. The numbers dwindled as more people left. While he felt he never needed to sleep again he did step outside for some fresh air. The sky was starting to lighten as the night faded and dawn took over.

He was lost in wonder staring at the stars for an unknown time before he returned to the dances room to find his clothes. It was going to be a long walk home. Once dressed he headed to find some more water. At the back of the room was the teen who had offered him the tablets. He was slumped on the floor possibly sleeping. The zip lock bag stuck out of his pocket. He knew it was the drugs that had helped tonight. Helped him have fun and give him confidence. Without thinking of the consequences he pulled the bag free and slipped it into his pocket.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

His feet were hurting in his new shoes as he wondered just how far from Little Whinging he was. He felt like sleep would never happen but the general feeling of wellbeing was slipping away. Still he walked on the seemingly endless road. A car bounced past the bass bins of the speakers shaking the early morning peacefulness. The car swung in front of him and stopped.

"Do you want a lift?" A female head, that looked familiar poked out from the passenger window. He gratefully accepted and jumped in the back. The driver was in her mid-twenties and reminded him of Tonks. The other two passengers were girls of his age. The one in the back seat snuggled up close to him and he looked blankly at her trying to place her.

"Don't remember me with my clothes on then? Would it help if I let you fuck me again?" Her voice was low and with the pounding music he doubted the people in the front seat would hear it. He recognised her then as the girl he'd had sex with behind the barn.

"You coming down yet?" She asked. "You seem nice enough but I wouldn't have done that unless I was high."

Harry considered offering her another pill but that wasn't the way her monologue went. She talked non-stop on the car journey into the town centre. He knew that he had the same desire to talk but was holding back. He knew that if he started he would talk as much as this girl whose name turned out to be Sue.

He just enjoyed her closeness and ignored her talking. The car left the countryside and he started to recognise buildings as they approached the town centre. It was still early morning and although the sun had risen the town was still deserted.

He was dropped off and it was sheer mischievousness he thanked them for the lift and fuck. He walked off as Sue reddened in the back of the car. The town was a strange place with no people in it. He wandered with no direction or plan. He looked in the zip lock bag there were a lot of pills still in there. He took an E and swallowed it grimacing at the taste. His perspective started to change he recognised it as the drug but welcomed it. The town went from grim , empty and deserted to a wonder playground filled with delight. He wandered wide eyed in amazement. Eventually the town began to fill up with people and the day warmed up. He needed a drink and he had no money on him he had no alternative but to head back to the Durseley's. As he walked through the council estate looking for all the world as if he hadn't moved was Mickie his best friend in all the world.

"Mickie! Good to see you I've done so much since I've last seen you, do you have a drink I could kill for a drink, I'm so thirsty right now how are you, have you moved since I last saw you? Do you have a drink?"

Mickie looked at him in surprise. "Fuck Harry you're off your face. What have you been taking."

Harry puled the bag from his pocket. "A bit of one a bit of the other. You can help yourself if you can get me a drink."

"You serious, you could sell those for a fortune."

Harry shook his until he started to feel sick. "They make you feel great, lets share them or better still swap them for booze and fags or right now any drink. I need a drink have I said that before?"

Mickie spoke to some other teens and in a few minutes Harry had a two litre bottle of cola in his hand and he gave out tabs like sweets.

Mickie was his constant companion always getting the best swap or the best favour. Harry found himself sleeping on floors or dancing in strange houses or just drinking and smoking high on tabs watching the clouds,never quite certain where he was or how much time has past but he was with his best friends ever.

The light streaming in through the pink curtains woke Harry, although it could have been the sound of a baby crying. He groaned and rolled over looking for his glasses. Finding them on a bedside cabinet he put them on and blinked the world into focus. The room was undoubtedly pink and feminine. It wasn't much bigger than the bedroom he had at Privet drive, the wardrobe across from him, white wood and mirrored and the double bed, pink duvet case, filled the room. One thing he couldn't see in amidst the pink were his clothes. He was naked in this bed and painfully aware that he needed the toilet soon. There really was only one option with a child outside, hanging on the door was a towelling bath robe in pink.

Harry pulled it on glanced down at the amount of leg it showed and headed out of the bedroom door. He stepped out into a hallway, directly in front of him was another door that was open leading into a sitting room, with a boy about four or five was playing with toys on the floor. Sitting on a sofa was a woman slightly older than him. She had mousey brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She was wearing leggings and a pale blue button up shirt, which was unbuttoned as she had a baby at her breast.

"Mummy, he's awake."

The young woman looked up and smiled at him. "Hello Harry, we did wonder if you would ever wake up."

"Um, Hi." Harry had no memory of meeting her but she clearly knew him. "Where's the toilet?"

"End of the hall on your right."

After Harry had finished in the toilet he stepped back into the hall.

"Harry over here." Opposite him was the woman sitting in the flats kitchen, two cups of tea steaming in front of her. "Darren has a packet of crisps and Thomas on the TV and Wayne has gone down after his feed, so we won't be disturbed for a while. How are you feeling?"

Harry paused while he took stock. "Fine thanks."

She nodded. "That's good, you were proper wasted when you got here. Mind you you've slept for close to eighteen hours."

Harry nodded as if he knew what she was talking about. There were two things he wanted to know but couldn't think of how to ask either. What was her name and where were his clothes?

"So what's the last thing you remember? As I said you were proper wasted when Mickie brought you over."

"I don't remember that. Last thing I remember is sitting on the field drinking with Mickie."

She laughed then, it was a light musical laugh. "You've got no idea where you are or who I am do you?"

Harry shook his head.

"I'm Sally. I'm a friend of Mickie's he knew you were too wasted to spend a night out and I'm one of the people he knows with their own place. We're only a half mile from the park and he knows I'm a soft touch. Provided you're not a violent drunk. I'd have let you die in the gutter if I thought you might put my kids at risk."

"I've never hurt anyone who hasn't hurt me first." Harry assured her.

"Yeah I could tell. You even stopped trying to grope me when I told you too, that's perfect behaviour for a drunk."

"Um did we sleep together?"

"Yes and no. You slept in my bed last night, best way to make sure you woke up alive. If you're asking did we fuck, then the answers no."

Harry was surprised over how straightforward she was. "You were too much of a mess, although I did strip you." Sally's ever present smile changed to an evil grin. "I washed your clothes they're drying now. They stank, mind you, you don't smell so great. Go back to the bathroom and have a bath and I'll get you some food."

Harry sniffed and Sally was right, he did smell. He headed off to the bathroom and started to run a bath. Sally was without doubt was one of the nicest people he had met. She took in a stranger and shared her bed with him all because of a favour.

Once clean he headed back to the kitchen, still in the pink fluffy robe. It was this fact that caused Darren who was sat at the table to start laughing and pointing at him. Sally managed to hush him. The table conversation was dominated by Darren asking random questions and Sally answering them all with the demand he eat his dinner. Eventually he finished and scurried off to watch more Thomas episodes.

"Bedtime in half an hour." Sally warned.

"What time is it now?" Harry asked.

"Six pm. You arrived late last night. Once the drugs wore off you slept for close on eighteen hours. Six thirty is his bed time, although I don't expect sleep till seven thirty. Wayne will sleep till nine when he'll want another feed and hopefully sleep the whole night. Once the kids are asleep you're coming to bed with me, although sleep is not high on my list of things to do."

Her straight forward manner surprised him and he almost choked on the mouthful of lasagne he was eating.

" What you thought I was a nice girl? I'm not quite eighteen and I've got a four year old. You're not the only one with issues Harry."

Harry looked up at her wondering what she knew.

"I undressed you." She paused and rolled up her sleeve, there were faint scars on her left forearm. "I know what cutting looks like and I've done enough therapy while in care to know the reasons are multiple. Mine really was a cry for help, although I didn't care if I lived or died. Yours are hidden so that's not the reason. I wanted someone to notice me and get me away from my step dad. He was a violent drunk. He'd think nothing of kicking me down stairs or beating my mum if she said she wasn't in the mood. I started cutting myself to get control over myself then I met an older man. He was eighteen I don't know if he knew I was thirteen but he knew I was under sixteen, anyway I got pregnant and taken into care. He got jail time. He was Darren's dad. Wayne's was my age a nice guy but completely unsuited to being a dad. For his sake I left his name of the birth certificate. He pops in now and again but he's clueless. So here I am seventeen in a flat with two kids. Social services pop in once a week to check I and more importantly my kids are all doing OK. I don't get much chance to socialise I'm not asking for anything more than tonight. Especially not till you've got your head sorted."

If she had sounded judgemental Harry would have snapped at her but she had been honest with him so he was inclined to listen.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you've stopped cutting but you've got a bag full of drugs and booze. Your still not facing your problems what ever they are. Group therapy taught me never assume I got it worse than anyone else. Some people's stories would make your hair turn white. I will say this. Even with what ever is going on your a nice guy. You weren't upset at Darren laughing at you. Even last night while out of it you didn't behave badly.

You understood that no meant no. But you've not stopped hurting yourself. No one spends as much time as you do drunk and high unless they have issues. I helped myself to some of your tabs. I've taken four that will do me for the rest of the year. I pop a pill when I go to a club, which I'm lucky to be once a month. You are looking at addiction the amount you're taking. As I say I'm not judging you but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't warn you.

There really was no judgement or condescension in her voice, so Harry shrugged off her warning rather than snapped at her. In the end it didn't really matter soon he would meet Voldemort for the final time and then he would die. What would it matter if he was wasted when that happened?

"So who do you live with, parents?"

Harry looked back up at Sally. "No, they died, it happened when I was only eighteen months old." As he spoke Sally's face fell.

"I'm sorry, I knew it was a stupid question to ask as I asked it but I was trying to change the subject"

"It's ok, I've had a long time to get used to that."

"So what do you know about them? If you don't mind."

Harry told Sally their names and what he knew of their history. He didn't mention their murder or anything to do with the war. As he spoke he could hear music from the living room.

"Excuse me Harry, end of an episode, Darren won't complain as much if I get him to bed now rather than half way through an episode."

With that she headed out of the room, Harry finished his food and then cleared up in the kitchen washing up and putting plates away. His clothes he noticed where on a drying maid in the corner of the room and he could have dressed if he wished. Except for Sally's offer to sleep with him tonight. It was a straightforward and unambiguous offer with no overtones of romance or relationship. He was wiping down the table when Sally put her head round the door.

"Fucking hell." She mouthed rather than said the words but Harry could read her lips and see the surprise on her face. "Darren won't go to bed until you say good night, do you mind?"

A small face put its head round the door. "Goodnight Darren, be a good boy for your mother."

"Goodnight Harwy" With that he ran off to his room it was another fifteen minutes before Sally reappeared round the door.

"Thank you, you didn't have to tidy you know."

He shrugged. "It passed the time and it wasn't a big job."

"Come on we can have the living room now I've got that one to bed. The room was messy but clean. Darren's toys littered the floor mostly plastic trains. Against the wall was a Moses basket with a sleeping infant in it which Sally fussed over before putting some soft piano music, that Harry wouldn't have expected from her. "Darren can hear it and it'll help him sleep."

Sally talked then of her past and while her youth had been worse than Harry's she had turned herself around once pregnant she had stopped smoking, drinking and cutting herself once she had someone more important than herself to think of. Although she admitted smoking was hard. The others were just habits that represented internal beliefs the habit was easier to kick than the belief.

As the clock wound round to seven thirty she turned off the cd and switched on the telly. Harry tried to concentrate on the soap opera and the lives of Deirdre and Ken but Sally's points kept coming back to him. He was messed up, but then what would be the point of trying to sort himself out? He was going to meet Voldemort and one of them would die. He knew that it would be him. Every time he thought back to the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort Harry realised how much he had been playing before. Voldemort was so far above him in spell craft he had as much chance of defeating him as he did as when he was a baby and he'd run out of parents to sacrifice themselves for him. No, death was his only future.

He was suddenly pulled back to the present. The present in which he was wearing nothing but a short pink bath robe and was sitting next to a woman who was happy to take advantage of that fact. Sally's hand ran up his thigh and his reaction was immediate and obvious.

"Not a soap opera fan, you were miles away."

Harry looked down at her hand moving up and down his thigh. "Um, no not really."

Sally moved her hand and looked at him seriously. Harry I need you to know that your clothes are dry and you can go anytime you want. I'm not keeping you hostage here. I'm hoping you decide to stay and spend the night but you do have a choice in the matter."

Harry leaned toward Sally and placed his hand on her thigh feeling the warmth of her leg through the thin leggings she wore. He moved his hand up her leg. "I'm happy to stay."

Sally leaned forward and kissed him. "As soon as the little wakes and has a bedtime feed then we can go to bed."

Sally then skilfully lead the conversation on to lighter things. She talked of mixing school with breast feeding and nappy changes and Harry found himself smiling, he even told some modified stories of Ron and Hermione. It wasn't long before Sally got up to a fussing baby.

"Nappy change first." With that warning Sally went about the quick and efficient change of Waynes nappy. Once that was done she unselfconsciously unbuttoned her shirt and let the baby begin to feed. "He's just on the verge of solid food but there are times it's just easier to get a tit out and let him help himself.

Once the child had had his full he drifted off to sleep. Sally had him move the basket into the hall outside the bedroom door. "He's almost out of this but once he moves into a bed he'll have to share Darren's room. Then I'll have two of them want up not just one.

Sally then stepped into the bedroom and her shirt was still open from feeding the baby. She kicked off her trainers then peeled down her leggings and knickers in one movement. She then looked up at Harry who was stood in the doorway.

"Last chance to run."

Harry was aware this was the first time he'd done this sober but with slightly shaky hands he undid the cord the stepped out of the pink dressing gown.

Sex with Sally was an education. She knew what she wanted and taught Harry how to do it. It wasn't all one sided either as She had Harry gasping in ecstasy too. Eventually she declared foreplay over and allowed him to enter her. He soon found his orgasm building. "Where?" He grunted.

"Keep going."

Harry soon collapsed on top of her finished. Then rolled off as she clung to him. There was no space between hem as she held him tight and it was in this pose that they fell asleep. It was dark when he woken by a crying child. Sally changed and fed the boy and Harry drifted off to sleep. He was woken by as Sally got back into bed and climbed on top of him. "Remember everything I taught you?"

"Um, yeah."

"Forget them, do me hard."

After they'd both orgasmed he held her pressed tight against her. "I take it you're on the pill?"

"No, but I can count to twenty eight."

He wasn't certain what she meant but she seemed to think it meant something and sleep soon called him before he could ask anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

He awoke alone and after putting on his glasses saw his clothes hanging over the edge of the open wardrobe door. He quickly dressed and headed out to the kitchen. Darren was sat at the table steadily working on a bowl of cornflakes. Wayne was in a high chair putting as much food on his face as his mouth. Sally had soon placed tea and toast in front of him.

Once Darren had finished and ran off to find his toys Sally sat opposite him. "Do you have plans for today?"

"Not really I thought I'd look for Mickie and hangout."

She got up from the table and quickly made him another drink. He sipped it and made a face it was worse than Snape's potions.

"It's full of all the salts you lose every time you pop a pill." She suddenly seemed quite shy. "Harry, if um you want you can spend tonight here again." Her voice hardened. "But don't turn up wasted again. You can do as you please today but I don't want you here in the state you were in the first time Mickie brought you. It's not the best example for Darren. I try to keep that sort of thing away from him."

He kept her warning in mind and while he had took enough pills and drink to move him to the happy place he had found where nothing touched him or upset him. Where Sirius and Voldemort where distant memories.

As the park emptied he thought he was in a good enough place to head back to Sally's he was sober enough to find it. She stared hard at him as he stood in the doorway.

"You'll do." She let him in. He sat in the lounge letting Darren explain the names of his trains to him and game he was playing. Sally called them all in to the kitchen and set a spaghetti bolognas before them all.

The evening followed the same template as the previous one and it was early but he was happy to head to bed knowing sleep was not on the plan.

The next morning he awoke alone but was feeling good. He joined this little family for breakfast. Darren was soon ushered off. Harry who could read body language knew something was up.

"Harry, your one of the few guys I could want to stay here long term. You're good with Darren but you've got issues and you're not ready to face them yet. When you leave today don't come back until or unless you're ready to face them. If it was just me I'd let you stay but I can't have someone taking as much you do when I've got kids. One day you won't come back it'll be a bad trip or something, I'd rather today was your last visit before Darren gets used to you being here."

He could see her point, he could see it as he left. He could see it as he took two E out of his bag and washed it down with vodka. Soon he couldn't remember her points or how much it had hurt him. He wondered on. Letting his feet lead him.

Mickie was missing and so he walked on. He soon found himself above the plastic perfection that was Little Whinging. The sun was shining on the shimmering splendid of the children's playground. It was busy with little children. He watched them dancing in and out of rainbows as they sang their songs.

From nowhere a storm faced dark haired goth marched towards him. "Where have you been Harry? We've looked for you everywhere."

"I've been here and I've been there and I've been in between." He smiled at his own answer.

Tonks took him by the arm. "Come with me."

He allowed her to lead him to the bushes. She wanted privacy for something. He hoped he knew what for. He tried to approach her to find out why she wanted privacy. He was almost instantly hard at the thought of having sex with her here in these bushes as everyone walked near.

Her wand was out and he was standing next to a slick silvery shining stupendous wolf. It glowed with the life of magic within it, it turned and growled at him making him take a step back, then it was gone as Tonks sent it away.

With a pop that made him jump Dumbledore was stood in front of him. Harry remembered being angry with the headmaster but he couldn't remember how to be angry. Instead he stared at the perfect purple paisley perfection of the headmaster's robes. His eye was drawn in towards the infinity of the patterns.

"I think it best Harry if you come with me to the Weasley's." Albus called his own patronus the phantasmical flaming phoenix. Harry stared transfixed by the sunlight shining through the wings of the mercurial bird before it disappeared to carry the headmaster's message.

"Take my arm Harry and hold on tight."

Harry did as he was instructed. There was a feeling of compression as he was squeezed through a drinking straw and then pushed back to his original size. He collapsed onto his knees. He hadn't eaten anything recently but he spat out acid as his stomach heaved from the experience.

"How are you Harry?"

"Fucking bad trip." He muttered before spitting to try and clear his mouth.

"Come Harry, Molly will have something to help."

Harry followed the purple robed man through the lush greenery of the Weasley garden The headmaster waited patiently at the door as he was distracted by the shades of sunlight dabbling through the orchard trees. Eventually he caught up with the man and entered the Weasley kitchen.

Sitting at the table was Hermione, the surprisingly sexy girl with a line in dirty talk no one would suspect. Standing glaring at him was Fleur, every boys wet dream she was beyond the realms of human beauty. Ginny sat next to Hermione, the pretty little ginger with freckles down her face and neck he wandered how far they went.

"So ladies who wants to fuck me first?"

Everyone's eyes went to the figure of Molly standing at the stove with a face of shock and outrage.

Harry took in her expression and a giggle escaped his lips which broke into a laugh. Everyone looked at him sadly as he sunk down to the floor clutching his sides. He couldn't stop laughing even though he knew it wasn't funny. Nothing was after all.

A.N.

The end.

You were expecting a happy ending?

Epilogue 2 years later.

The boys were playing upstairs it was a noisy game but it was good natured. Sally drank her tea and watched the youngest sleep.

She disturbed then started to sing at her teddy. She was a sweet natured child.

"Mummy Barbie." She pointed out of the play pen. "Barbie" she repeated.

"Oh well no rest" she muttered. Sally thought of herself as a good mum as such she tried not to swear in front of them. However as she watched the Barbie levitate towards her daughter she forgot her rules. "Shit Lily how are you doing that?"

Definitely the end.


End file.
